I was twenty minutes into the show when my 11-year-old daughter, J, walked into the room. Although she did not stay long, I am pleased that she walked in when she did, and saw the show's title displayed across the screen. The ensuing discussion—which occurred while I paused the show, and which I have transcribed below—served as a unplanned continuation of a conversation that began when she was quite young. (See here.) I'm not a big fan of the phrase "teachable moment," but I do believe this was one.
J: Hey, what's Charlie doing on there?
Me: He's a guest on the show.
J: "The New 'F' Word"? What's that? Charlie won't even say the old F word. [She's right! This is revealed near the end of the show, starting at 46:25.]
Me: The new F word is "faggot." It's a pejorative term for "gay." Have you heard it?
J: No. Why are they talking about it?
Me: Because a song containing the word has been banned from being played on the radio.
J: Good.
Me: But it's complicated. In the song, the word is used satirically. Do you want to listen to the song?
J: Okay. [I find the the original version of "Money for Nothing" on YouTube and play it for her.]
Me: So you see, the person saying the word in the song is a character. He doesn't represent the singer's views.
J: I still think he shouldn't say it. But I guess it's like in a story when there's a character you're not suppose to like, who says nasty things.
Me: Yes.
J: Or like in Billy Elliot, when the miners say the old F word because that's the way they would talk in real life. [J and her twin sister have said they do not want to see the stage version of Billy Eliot because of the swearing.]
Me: Sort of. But it's a bit different because the old F word isn't directed at a specific group. The new F word is worse because it targets gays.
J: Yes, but I still don't want to hear either the old or the new F word.
Me: But do you understand why some people might object to the new F word being banned?
J: Sort of. But if it upsets people to hear it, maybe it should be banned.
Me: But, J, in art—in songs or stories or plays—you have to be able to critique ideas or words, and to do that you have to be able to say them. When they're used in that context they're not necessarily hurtful.
J: Maybe you just think they're not hurtful when they're used that way because you're not gay.
Me: Maybe.
Ha! Clever kid! Why don't you like the term "teachable moment"? Because it implies that someone is learning from someone else rather than both parties learning from each other? I'm still waiting to find out whether you or she revised their views on whether this kind of censorship is hurtful and to whom.
ReplyDeleteDapper Daisy -- Thanks for your comment. I don't like the term "teachable moment" mostly because I view it (perhaps unfairly) as a cliche of the kind of overly self-conscious, hyper-parenting that I try to avoid. I believe teaching and learning go on all the time in parenting, but I don't usually seek out or hope for "teachable moments." When they happen naturally, as in the incident I described in the post, I'm happy.
ReplyDeleteAs for whether J and I have revised our views, good question! J understands my view better now, but she still thinks one should avoid saying any potentially hurtful words. I do avoid saying them, but I still believe that we have to use them occasionally when discussing or critiquing texts in which they occur.
Interestingly, the discussion with J about the new "F" word got me thinking about other words, such as the "N" word, which is also discussed in the video. J and her sister don't know that word, which I'm thankful for, but I've been wondering lately whether I should be discussing this and other words with them, so that when they hear them (as I'm afraid they probably will), they will not be caught off guard. But that would kind of be seeking out a "teachable moment," wouldn't it? ;)